The Sponge and The Genius
by cerealqueens
Summary: In this alternate universe, Jimmy Neutron is an avid Spongebob fan. One day, Neutron talks to Spongebob on facebook and they decide to meet in Alaska. How will it go for these lovebirds? How will the world around them react to this budding romance?
1. VOLUME 1 CHAPTER 1: snot

It was a dark winter night, jimmy neutron sat at the edge of his bed staring at his huge spongebob poster. Suddenly, he felt a sensation; he needted to SNEEZE. Jimmy jerked out a huge 'ACHOSGFIo' AND snot 360-ed onto his most prized posesion, his hot spongebob poster. Jimmy sighed really loudly and cartwheeled closer to the wall. There was gross green boogies all over his favorite print, jimbo was devastated. Suddenly, neutron saw the poster cleaner flyer that was conviently on his nightstand. 'THAT'S IT'' jimmy exclameled to the ceiling. 'I Ll take my hot spongebob poster 2 the poster cleaner tomorrow and itll all be ok'. Jimmy then jumped into his cool bed, which was, also, spongebob themed.

THE NEXT DAY jimmbu got out of bed, grabed his poster and literally flew out the window because he was experiencing the aftermath of really bad diharrea from the day before because he went to carls barbecue and spent like 3 hours in the pee pee room prior to his poster staring session so the farts were not pleasent. Anyway coinsidentally jimmy fell righjt infront of the poster cleaner 'WOW how convenient' he shouted at the wall. Nutron barged into the store 'I need my poster cleaned' he whispered. Suddenly, a beautiful bald man, with eyes bluer than hte sky stared right into jimmy's poop colored mane. 'ill do the job' he says 'I am….MR clean' he shouted as he passionately shook his nice round ass. 'omg' jimmy said. So neutron handed over the rolled up poster, and mister clean let out ahuge gasp 'I hHAVE this same poster in my room' he vomited 'everynight I stare at it for 5 hours, its so hot' mr clean whispered 'same' jimmy said 'yeah… u kno spongebob was my highschool crush' mr clean said as he violently rubbed his own product onto the snot-stained poster 'rlly' jimmy scramed 'ya, but he never noticed me…..i still have him as a friend on facebook tho' mr clean had tears running down his big beautiful eyes. 'WHAT he has /!? I have to add him' jimmy said really loudly. Mr clean winked and wrote spongebobs fake name, which he uses so that no fans find him on facebook, on the bacl of the poster. 'here u go' mr clan said handing the poster to jinny 'ty' jimmy saisd, and he then continued to walk out the door excitedly because he was gonna meet spongebob ON FACEBOOK!

Jimmy was so fucign excited. He burst right through the door. 'JAMES ISAAC NEUTRON' his mom said super loud that jiwmy bled out of his ear. 'mom chill im meeting sponge bob on facebook' james said looking at the floor because also he was emo and emos do that 'OH U AND your spongebob when will you stop obsessing over this strupid PHASE' mrs. Neutron said as she drank down a whole bottle of vodka 'mom its not a pHASE' jimmy exclamedad as he stormed up to the stairs. Jimno got on his macbook pro (his mom got it for him) and squarmled onto facebook dot com. He went to spongebobs page, the fake name he used was WALTER SMITH 'what a hot name' jimmy said as he ran his hands through his greasy icecream shaped hair. He pressed 'send pfriend request' and automatically got a 'ACCEPT' from mr. squarepants. Jimmy coughed sweatily and sent a message through facebook message 'hey' he sent 'who ru' spongebarb replied 'ur profile pic is…hot' he sent 'Omg' jimmy said irl he then typed back 'so r u…im jimmy natron, im…..in love with u.' Spongbob took like literalyt 5 ghours bc he also had diharrea probably 'omg.. do u wanna meet in alaska' he finally replied. Jimmy spazzed out, 'don't u live in the water' he asked 'YA but I can manage ;)' squarepantel said 'o okay' jimmy said, 'ill see u there in like two days, we can meet in the starbucks' (jimmy said this bc theres only one starbucks located in Alaska in the case of this AU) 'ok' spongebob replielwede. Jimmy hammed up to the air and went to bed, excited to drive all the way to Alaska in his new hippy van which he got for chirstmas on his 6th birthday because he was really rich at the time.


	2. VOLUME 1 CHAPTER 2: washer

an ice blu van slowly drove by the poster cleaner. 'whaT the fck' mr clean said smiling angrily. Jimm neutron slowly rolled down the winfow 2 reveal his lucious eyes 'hey boi' jimmu smirked steadily 'heading to alaska to meet my future bae' he shouted 'omg' mr clean started screaming really loud 'is bae who i think it is!?1?' he said squeezing 'yes bitch' jimmy said as he rolled up his window and started playing some blondie as he drove off. 'omg good luck'! mr clean said waving really fast. jimmy was so ready, his cristal clear eye whites were tearing up just thinking about spongebobs beautiful face. then suddenly then, jimmy tipped over his fruit punch...his childerens place jeans were ruined! 'UGH' jimmy said 'wtf am i gonna DO?" but then jimmy realised he was right next to the laundry mat, so he parked his fresh ride and went there.

Jimi was washing his pants, they were swirling so fast and jimmy was so excited, but then some1 walked up to jimmy. 'hola tipo' she said. 'WTf!' jimmy nutrient said screaming loudl. then he realised it was canadas biggest drug dealer, DORA THE EXPLORER... jimmys mom always told him not 2 do drugs anyway 'donde u headed? saw ur cool van outside' she whispered into the chair 'o going 2 meet up with, sponhgebob!' jimmy said taking his pants out of the washing machine 'cool... hope u have fun...if /he/ doesnt find out' she said lighting a malboro ciggy (the COOLEST) 'who?' jimmy said zipping his fly 'ay whateves, hav fun &amp; tweet the deetssssssss!' she said walking out the door. /ok../ jimmy said, then walking out and into his van on his way to starbucks alaska.

Jimmr was finally there! He went inside and he pizzed himself...there HE was, spongebob. He had beautiful, long eyelashes that were probably soaked w/ maybaline mascara, and bright eyes the color of a windows 98 background, and hot, skinny legs. 'OMG' spongebob said golding his green tea frappuchino 'SPONGEVOB!' jimmy said hugging bob tightly.

2 be continued...


	3. VOLUME 1 CHAPTER 3: father

SpongeBob drove jumbo to his apparment, forgfwting that his evil dad barney was there. SAPONGEBob suddenly smelled a familiar smell, the smell of marriagejuana. 'jimmy, its ok' he orgasmed 'y what heppned' jimmy asked bc he didn't kno about barny. 'my dad is sper strict vut he's high atm so he wont notice that we r doing lov upstairs.' Spingebob said as he swaggerred in2 his room. 'ok' jimmy yelled and they started making out really violently

'omg' jimmy said loudly as he rubbed his ear against spongebobs short. SpongeBob then started ruffling butrons hair softly and kissing his nostrils. SUDDENLY they head rbe door open... 'WTF IS TBIS' BARNEY said bc he wasn't high anymore. 'GET OUT OF MY HOUSE' barney said really angrily as jimmy ran all the way back to California crying. SpongeBob had tears running down his face. 'dad y' spongeb said. Barney lifted his fist and hit spo gebov in the face and told him to pray to Jesus. SAPONGE bob cried to sleep that night.

The next day, SpongeBob logged into to talk to jimmy. 'my faf is high again' spjgnebob typed. 'ok... But what of he finds us' jimmy r3plied. 'he wont..bc im running away, mr clean has a room in his house for us, I planned with him thru facetime, my dad wont notice im gona bc he's high af'

SAPongebob signed off and put the computer in his bag and he jumped put the window and started running. The sound of barney s laughter could be heard as SpongeBob ran, he would soon b with his love again.

2 be continued...


	4. VOLUME 1 CHAPTER 4: hitchhike

Jimmy walked into mr cleans coil house. "wow dis house is coil' jimmy excalmed. 'ya, I do it 2 attract the ladies' mr clean WInked. 'im gonn show u ur room, barney will never find u...' So mr clan led jimmy 2 the room. It was coil too. It had red walls and rlly nice tv set and also a dirty matress that smelled like piss. 'ITS PERFECT' Jim.y said hugging clean. 'ik, SpongeBob should b here tomorrow, Alaska is rlly faraway u kno" jimmy was really happy.

Mr clean was really nervous, his girlfriend Dora was coming. Dora was a cool Hispanic drug dealer, she was 2cool for school, so she dropped out. Dora is actually 22, but looks 34 because of all da cool ciggies. 'Ukno my girlfriend right." Mr clean told jimmy. 'no wtf' jimmy was surprised. 'Dora the EXAPLARER is my gf, she's coming here soon but she's in a doctors appointment." Mr clean said scratching his head nervously. 'O' JIMMY met her earlier while he was in the washing machine.

SpongeBob was tired and decided to hitchhike there. He held his thum up. Suddenly a Ferrari rolled in. 'WHERE u headed." The person asked. "mr clean house" SpongeBob said nervous. "omg im going there! I'm his gf." She opened the door and let spongbob in, and they started driving there to the sound of snoop dog.

"ugh im stressed' she said smoking 'what y' sponge asked 'well...the doctor told mi that im pregnant'

'omg' SpongeBob yelled.

2 be continued...

**_srry dis was a short chapter :(( prom is will get 2 the action ;))_**


	5. VOLUME 1 CHAPTER 5: martini

The doorball rang. "o there us my baby ;)" Mr clean said as he slowly open the door. There was Dora, with a cogarette in hand, and next 2 her was sapongebob, really sweaty. 'SPONG!' Jimmy screamed as he jumpered into spongebobs skinny arms. 'hey babe' spongeboy replied. SpongeBob carried jimmy newton to their room, where they watched The Real Housewives of New Jersey for four hours, having short makeout sessions during commercial breaks bc they were really happy to see each other.

After 12 hole episod, they heard the door open. 'hola muchachos' Dora said, running her fake nails thru her hair which she treated to a Brazilian blowout. 'I gotta... Distract mr clean from the fact im prego, he didnt take the news bueno' she said, 'so im taking yall 2 my squad hangout..' Dora had a group of friends which she spent a long time with smoking &amp; drugging (or whatever) 'wtf ur PREGNANT' neutron said really loud 'ya, doctor told me. ANYway lets head to the hangout'

They arrived to a club called 'COOL RASH'. It said closed, but Dora made the specials knock and the squad let the guys in. THERE they were, Tinky Winky, the coolest most radical bartender who owned over 500 pairs of sunglasses and always drank martinis. The best teletubbie. Next, was Winnie da POO he was a cool chill old friend u can always go to in timez OF trouble. These guys where the coolest, they hung aroun with Dora in strip joints and stuff, cool stuff.

'Hey Dora' tinky winky said loudly 'ehos that' pooh asked cluelessl 'dis is jimmy &amp; SpongeBob, the power couple, th be hiding from barney, spongebobs pothead daddy' she said lighting a ciggie 'anywag I came here to tell yall that mr clan got me prego' she said while she cried blood. 'omg' tinky winky said 'how is he taking it? U gyz aren't even married." 'well I've been Prego 5 timez before and left &amp; aborted all of em but I think dis is the one gyz!' Dora said loudly 'wow ok cool, so yall wanna play dance dance revolution' pooh asked 'suee' they all said simotainously.

POOH was THE fact dance revolution master, he was so good nobody could best them. Suddenly, the phone rang, tinky winky picked It up. 'hello?' 'HELp the green dinosuar I in the house, barney found us, yu guys have to hurry!" Mr clean said thru the phone

Dora, rinky winky, pooh, Jimmy, SpongeBob all got in2 the Ferrari and headed to the apartment. They heard load screams, barney was trying to kill mr clean. Pooh, winky and Dora all took out their pocket knifes and went in. They had a mega showdown while jimmy and sponge held each other. Suddenly SpongeBob heard barney scream, barney was.. DEAD. 'is he breathing?" Mr clean said hyperventilating '...no...sorrg spongboy" tinky winky said with a bloody tear down his face. 'its ok, I wanted to get him out my back anyway..." SpongeBob replied standing up slowly really cool like.

'ok cool guys but...how will we hide the body?" Pooh asked dramatically licking his finger

TO be continued...


	6. VOLUME 1 CHAPTER 6: train

Barney had blood evrywhere and it was staining mr cleans carpet.'DARN' mr clean said very loudly. 'Calm down man' whispered poo, "we have to hidenthe body!' 2 hours later they got tired of dragging.. Tinky winky came up with a splemdid plan "gyz i think i kno where to take this" tinky winky said sweating, he took out his iphone 6+ which had 1 of thode rlly cool covers that have glitter in it. "Hey thomas' tinky winky said nervously as he looked pooh. Pooh snd tinky winky knew how EFFED up thomas the train was. He was a punk with a list of crimes and an impressive coffee mug collection, tinky winky thought that thomas was THE guy to hit up.

After a while of dragging they finally got 2 thomass crib, nobody saw them bc it was like 6 am and every1 was sleeping. "Wow this place is SQUEAKY clean," mr clean yelled bc he had an obscure clean fetish which is another reqson why his relationship with DORA is questionable. "Howdy tinky winks" thomas said angrily, tinky winly looked at his hot blue body, "i need 2 ask u a favor, this is payback from that 1 time in world war II." He sweated "r u kiddkng me? ¡U know im busy!" Tomus said with teaes coming out of his eyes "cmon man, for Dipsy" tinky winky daid and every1 else except pooh, kind of, was like super confused bc pooh was tinky winkys main home slice so he knew about thomas and the war, nobody else not even dora knew about this rhomas guy. "Ok thomas said as he looked the floor "i need u to hide this body in 1 of ur carts till it rots" tinky winky said slivhtly quietly bc the sun was coming out. "Omfg wtf tinky winky u MUREERED SOME1" thomas said rlly grosswd out. "Ya, it was SELF DEFENCE, he was a homophobic FINOsaur that wanted to kill mr clean" tinky winky yelled as everyone nodded in such aggreement that it turned into super brutal headbanging. "Ok fine" thomas said, dragging barneys dead boody with the help of all the other homies except jimmy and spongebob bc they thought a revamped train station was oretty grest for some cool sexy roleplaying.

AFter the coupoe was done they went in2 eschothers arms "ik webe only known eschother for two days jimbo, but weve been thru so much and IM READY IM READY 4 our life together" and then they kissed but they were interrupted by mr clean. "Hey yall, we hud the body" everyone jumped aggressively and they were prepared to go back home on thomases back (please do not ask me how dis works!) so when they got to mr cleans mansion or apartmentm, everyone was resdy 2 take a snooze, "ty 4 everythjng man" tinky winky and pooh fist bumped thomas "yw gyz, ttyl" thomas said, and then he flew back to his crib.

The next morning, mr clean woke up saponge bob and jimmy, who were intertwined 2gether. "I think its safe 2 say you guys can get ur own place now..."

2 BE CONTINNUED...

***_SORRY RHIS WAS more focused on tinky winkys back story! The tinky kinky stuff might come later but character development IZ important!*_**


	7. VOLUME 1 CHAPTER 7: baby

ITS been 6months since Jammy Neutron and Sponge bob moved in together. They lived I. An apparrment, rlly small and stinky, but 2 them it was a dream come true. The thng was, they hadn't talked 2 mr. Clean or the gang eversonce they moved in! Jimmy and SpongeBob were SO in love that they never noticed! But why didn't they receive a call or a Tex or even a facebook massage? What happened? Did the bar close down? Did mr clean get his house dirty? Nobody new.  
"these hav been the best 6 months ever!" Jimmy said to SpongeBob spitting in his face 'i kno' spjngebob replied. Suddenly, the phone started to ring. (A SIGN!) 'wtf' jimmy neutron yelled, they hadn't had a phone call in months! Spongbob picked up the phone...it was Winnie the poo "Dora is in labor gyz" pooh said panicking "ok wtf! U dont call us in 6 months and this is what u tell us first! What hrppend?!" SpongeBob was angry. "I dont think u umderstand spongeman, Dora was pregnant! She has been sick all this time and we haven't had time 4 calls since we r taking cafe of our friend!" Winne replied in defense l, "ok, im srry, but how did mr clean react to all of this" soongbob asked, jimmy was curious too. "he was just happy, he loves babies, ANYWAYSF I need u guys to come right now!" Pooh yelled thru the phone. "alright, we gotta blast" jimmy whispered into spongebobs ear "jimmy u hav to be kidding me" SpongeBob replied sexily and then they headed off to the hospital.  
2 minutes later spongelob and nimmy arrived to the hospital. The whole squad was there, tinky winky, pooh bear, and mr. Clean. "hey folks." Waved dr. TIMMY TURNER "are you ready to see the baby?" He asked in a southern accent smiling and staring right into jimmys eyes. 'HELL YA!" they all said in tears.  
Entering the room was Dora, holding a big baby. "do u guys wanna see him?" She asked, mr clean was crying. "he's so..beautiful. What will we call him?" The room went silent for a few mins, they knew Dora had a rlly amazing named in mind probably.

'Calliou' she said.

Everyone clapped, dr Timmy turner, tinky wanky, Winnie, sponger, jimmy, and mr clean. 'what a good name' Timmy shouted. 'ikr' mr clean said. "he has ur hair.." Dora said to 'i know' he whispered, as he shed another tear.  
The whole gang was staring at the beautiful calliou. They were so excited to have adventures with this baby. SUDDNELTY SPMETHING REALLY BAD HAPPEND. Callious eyes turned bright red, he was shouting "jimmy neutron, how dare u ruin my son, ill get you, I SWAR ill kill you." 'wtf' jimmy yelled and he got scared and leaped into sponges arms. "what's happening?!" Mr clean shouted. Everyone, looked at Timmy as he looked through his computer panicking while callioi vibrated and Dora was freaking out.  
"Dora...mr. Clean, I dont know how to say this but, your baby is a demon" Timmy yelled."he is the reincarnation of Barney, all your smoking somehow caused barneys soul to come back to life inside this new life of his. Hes out to get jimmy"  
Everyone gasped, they all lookad at each other terrifeidsdn. "I know what to do" pooh bear said.  
_**TO BE CONTINUED**_  
_****the nex chapter is the finalli of volume 1 u gyzz! Get ready for a leap in jimmy and spong bobs relation shop and maybe som new couples? ;)*****_


	8. VOLUME 1 CHAPTER 8:EXORCISM

_Volume 1 chapter 8: exorcism_

_The baby was vibrating in mr celans hands, as pee bloodd was obulatin trew his eyelids. Dr timmy turnr wen on his comouter and went in2 th DEEP WEB to watch exorcism tutorial vids and he begn to watch an exorcism stream of beverly hills chiwawa, they wer sacrificing the chihuahaha voiced by bill mugeorge lopezrray, durin the stream timmu turnr took off his pants and began 2eat the salad he was saving fpr 5 days, only 2 then puk it out. The puk spelled out the words _**KILL CAILLOU **"omg guys its a sigN" pooh said while cartweeling towards the baby then he grabed it with his beautiful moldy bear feet and he put it on the dirty floor that smelled like rat intestines.

Timmy tuernrs still with his pants off began chanting the veggie tales theme song in an italian accent and swoosged towards the babi in a forefrontal seesaw like motion. He begn 2exercise th child. He slowly grabbed the ugly bald golf ball-looking baby and threw iT ON the ground. "Ok guys you all have to stand in a circle ND do the dance dance revolution pattern for the song Butterfly by "yes" poog whispered softly bc he was litelraly the dance dance revolution king. MrR clean took this as a challenge 2 hs pried as the dance dance revolution master, so they broke out into dance. Spongebob and jimy felt extrmely sad bc this was allt heir fault. If it wasnt for them being gay they wuouldnt hav murdered barney. If tthey werent gay they wouldnt hav made dora and mr cleans first child a demonic golf ball. They wanted 2 say somethng but what? Then, jimmy yelled "CHICKEN STRIPS" and mr clean sensed that it was an apology for literally fucking up his whole life. Anyways, pooh and mr clean wee dancing , dora was smokingg 10 cigar-rats at the same time and timmy turne was casually screetching and vibrating biolently.

FINLLY, th excerism was almost done1, HIWECvER THERE WAS ONE VARIABLE TImY DIDN CONSIDER, his asscheeks. They were burning, bursting with power, power he knew would destroy the entire hospital. "QUICK, everybody hold hands" timmy said. Everybod helod hands while caillu wa in the middle, floating. "Hooty hoo" timmy yelled, and everybody began to float in the air and literal shit started raining outside. "Its beautiful" sapongebob said holding jimmy. "The baby has be n excorisied, now, time 4 lunch" timmy whispered, his neck stretched to 4 feet up in the air, forming an acute angl3 in 4 seconds, he walked up to mr clen and whispered "IM hungry for your balls, your eye balls….." he said, mr clean ewercladed and siad "wtf", timmy wa jus taking adavantag of the exceeorersicde and using it to gather power to eat someones eyeballs. Mr clean kicked timmys bare butt and they started to fight.

Mr cleans stand _Communist Manifesto_ with the power of exploiting jews produces quasi real rift in space-time, wich causes timmiess turnr t0 cry out lyrics from the song _Lightning Strikes by K_laus Nomi. But Turbo Timmy counters it with his stand NarutoXSauske which has the power 2 convince you to go and by the latest iphone by stabbig mr clean 36 times in the esophagus which gives mr clean. "Im gonna stick my iphone in your eye ball" said Timmy in Steve Corals voice. BUT, WAIT TIMMY HADNT REALIZED THAT BEFORE HE WAS ABLE TO LAND HIS FINISHING BLOW mr clean had exposed him on youtube. "fool, you underestimated me, now its time for my finishing move" yeled mr clean, mr clean performed a vasectomy on timmy, howeverdis tuk a toll on mr clean for he has stained his hands with blood, killing him for he will never be clean again.

Everyone was cryignd, "MR CLEAN, answer me" dora said sobbing pitch black tears. She slowly grababed he face and whispered "nvr forge...t…." she cried. Mr clen held doras face to say his last words, "Flash cleans floors WITHOUT scratching" he whispere, mr clean was DIED.

"Anways…..wanna get mrried?" sponger said to jimmu, he then proceeded to SLAUGHTERING timm tuner an slapping his italian neck exactly 5 and a half times. "Sure" said golf ball child, caillou started to crawl into doras arms shouting cleaning product taglines "Life's messy. Clean it up!" he softly whispers to doras foot. Dora started to cry bc she needed to deal with the little bald piece of shte olone….will dora b able to take care of caillou? How will the wedding go? Fin..out..in da next volum of SPONG ADN THE GENIUS

_**-end of volum 1-**_

_**2 b continued….**_


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